So today I was getting ready for work, standing in the bathroom, when I heard the most spine tingling, hair raising sound I had ever heard! My mind quickly went through all of my bad experiences as I tried to identify the horrifying sound. My first thought was that it was Puppy snorting at the door. Only, he must have gotten into Mom's athletic performance enhancing steroids as this was a much huskier snorting than I had heard from him before. How was I going to get out of the bathroom with this ravenous, blood-thirsty monster of a dog snorting at the door? I hope Lexie had her door closed, or had Puppy already torn her to shreds and was now in a blood enhanced rage? Then, as my mind raced and the calmer me took over, I decided that I would just have to crawl out the window and take my chances jumping to the cement.
As I got closer to the window, I could hear the sound coming from outside. OH NO, the White's new dogs had gotten into Mom's steroids, too! What to do, what to do? Could this really be happening? Or, had I just seen too many commercials for the Alfred Hitchcock movies?
Back to the problem at hand. If I jump out the window.....wait a minute, the van is in the driveway. I could just jump to the top of the van and those two short little dogs would never reach me up there, or would they? OK, I'll wait for Mom to go out and try to get in the van.....those two monsters will be distracted while they rip Mom to shreds.....I can jump on the van, jump over to the truck, jump over the fence and run over to Mel's. Surely he has had experience with nasty monsters such as these. If nothing else, icy-milk will slow the beasts down.
With every snort, the panic sets in deeper and deeper. This sound.....I know I've heard it somewhere. If I could only remember where, maybe I could figure out how to escape. Was it in a dream? Was it in a movie? What is the best weapon to use? If it was in a movie, I'm sure that they found some kind of weapon to battle the brute strength of a Puppy mad on steroids.
The sound is getting worse and worse, I grab my head as it throbs with each snort. I can't take it any more!!! I throw open the window and start to climb out. I survey the ground below so as to decide my best avenue of escape.....when.....when.....OH NO, IT'S WORSE THAN I HAD IMAGINED IT COULD BE!!!! IT WAS SUCH A HIDEOUS SIGHT.....WHO WOULD HAVE THOUGHT? WILL THIS NIGHTMARE EVER END?
Oh.....Ughhh.....Ummm, Hi Elaine.....having fun scraping the windshield? Have a fun day at work.